The Book "How To Raise Your Adult Children by Gail Parent and Susan Ende, M.F.T. was sent to me for review purposes.
On the front cover it says "Because Big Kids Have
That's the truth isn't it??
I'm the parent of small children and this book is written for parents of adult children. But I will be there one day (one day sooner than I'd like to think I'm sure) and I'm an adult child so I thought that maybe I could learn something from the book.
And I did.
The book is broken up by chapter discussions. Each chapter has a topic i.e. money, dating, work, aging and illness etc. Someone sends in a letter with a question or a tough situation and both Gail and Susan answer it separately. For example:
Dear Gail and Susan,
We have a small vacation cottage on a lake. We let our son temporarily move into it while he was deciding what he wanted to do with his life. My wife and I figured he would be there for a few months, but it's been three years. We don't know how to get him out. By the way, our son did decide what he wanted to be - a poet. Are we just stuck with this situation? Lawrence
Gail: Dear Father of a Poet, Don't worry. Your son will make a lot of money selling poetry and then he can buy his own cottage. You're not happy with my answer are you? Let me try again. You and your wife shouldn't have let your son be in your cottage for a few moths. "Temporarily" should have been defined. But that boat has sailed... (she continues to tell them that their son is immature and that they have perpetuated this. They'll have to evict him. They're only stuck with the situation if they choose to be).
Susan: (Likes Gails comments. Says that parents today have a hard time setting limits and then they wonder why they end up with spoiled , unrealistic children. She also agrees that he needs to move out. If he won't, move him out and change the locks). Limits - "temporarily" is not a limit; three months is.
Boundaries - "my house is not your house" is a boundary.
No - means separateness. "I have a vacation house I pay for; you do not have a vacation house. We are separate".
The book covers many topics that parents of adult children find themselves in today. You have a divorced child that moved back home and now won't move out but uses your house as a bachelor pad. What to do? You have an adult child on drugs that doesn't seem to want help. What to do? You have children that have gotten themselves in debt and now want to use your retirement fund to pay off their bills. What to do? You don't like who they are dating. They don't like who you are dating. What to do?
The advice in the book is good and honest. It's not touchy feely either. It gives you the straight talk. And of course, Gail is hysterical.
Gail Parent is an Emmy Award winning writer and producer who worked on Tracy Takes On (Tracy Ullman), The Carol Burnett Show, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, and the Golden Girls (my all time favorite show).
Susan Ende is a psychotherapist that has been in private practice for over 25 years and has taught at California Institute of Technology, Pepperdine University, and California State University, Los Angeles.
Even if you are the adult child in the relationship, the book is beneficial because it not only helps you to see where your parents are coming from and how you should be acting, but the parents are not always right and Gail and Susan correct their behavior too. They give you ammunition to throw back at them with too (not you Mom and Dad).
The book is a quick read and a quick witted read.
The publishers of How To Raise Your Adult Children provided me with a free copy of the book for the sold purpose of a book review.
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