Today is the Love Beats Hate Blogging Event. It is not geared for food allergies. It's geared to empower marginalized persons. Instead of focusing on the negative, I'm going to focus on some positive and share this post in the Love Beats Hates Event. If you have food allergies, or are the parent of a child who does, then you know there is plenty of hate to go around this condition (I think the worst is when people say food allergies are part of the law of "natural selection". I'd like to naturally select those people for a good old fashioned beat down.)
The Kindness of Strangers (who aren't really all that strange):
One thing that has warmed my heart since the Little Man has started school are the parents who don't have food allergic children, but that work really hard to "get it". These are the parents who call me to find out what is safe for the Little Man so that if their child has a birthday and wants cupcakes, they can still bring in something for my son and he is not left out getting treats. It may be Dum Dum suckers or it may be plain Hershey Kisses, which to me and you may seem small, but to him it is HUGE because he got to have something that wasn't from his "safe snack box". And I know that he feels extra special because someone took the time to find out what he can have and bring it in special, just for him. One parent has a nephew with multiple life threatening food allergies and she always takes the time to find out what is safe so that if she is making treat bags for a school party or supplying something to the class she makes sure to include my son. And the parents that call me ahead of time to let me know that their child is bringing in birthday treats are my personal angles. Without them, I don't know and my son is left sitting in his seat eating pretzels while the other kids have cupcakes or donuts. To a six year old boy being left out is tough to deal with. We're working on getting him to understand but in the meantime, the parents that go the extra mile are kept in my prayers. It's the little things that are really the BIG things.
I realize that not everyone lives with food allergies, and that they don't understand about being left out but if you can take one small step to include that child you are actually bridging the Grand Canyon in that child's eyes.
Then there are the protective children. Yes, there are kids that just don't understand and they wave cupcakes in my sons face. These kids are six and seven and they don't do it to bully (I've seen them do it to non food allergy kids), they do it because they think they are being funny. But then there are the other kids. The kids that yell "Hey, he's allergic to that" and push the cupcake away. Or the kids that come up to me in the lunch room and say "We had chips in class today and I'm not sure that The Little Man can have those". They mother him the I would if I were there. It's cute and it's sweet and it's done with love. Kids get it even if they don't really "get it". They are usually more understanding than the adults that I've encountered. They help to make my son feel included even when he can't be. He feels their love and he takes it all in and returns it 100%.
These small acts of love are really circles of love and acceptance to my son. They make him feel special, and they keep him safe at the same time. I can never repay these people for what they have given him. I just hope that I remember to keep passing it on. Your contribution to someone who is sick, in pain, feeling loss or feeling low doesn't have to be big. Sometimes it truly is the little things.
10 comments:
Such a powerful post! I can only imagine how scary it must be to send your Little Man out into the world with food allergies, especially when people are inconsiderate.
It really says something that kids are more understanding than adults.
Your post is an incredible example of how efforts that seem small can mean the world to the recipient of your kindness.
Thank you for sharing this post today!
Sorry to hear your little one is experiencing teasing over his allergies. I wonder if you could work with his teacher to educate the class. I am glad to hear there are some kids that do "get it" and look out for him :)
Thanks for being a part of the Love Beats Hate blogging event!
So important to include an allergic child in everything. It isn't their fault. Does it take a little extra effort? Sure, but it isn't that big of a deal.
Lovely post. Nice thanksgiving before thanksgiving.
:)
Thank you for your post. I really appreciate your blog, it makes me feel less alone. I really try to remain positive for my pre-schooler (major allergic to peanuts, walnuts, eggs and dairy) but sometimes it is sooooo hard and I just explode!
I have noticed that my son does much better when me and daddy have good attitudes and act like it is life and not a big deal...sometimes easier said than done. :)
I really hate the flippancy that some people have toward food allergies, as though the rise in diagnosis of these means that sufferers are just (eg) asking for soy for fun! I can understand that this must be incredibly frustrating for you. I have food intolerances and get very sick of pained looks on waiters faces, as though we ask for alterations just to make their job harder! In fact, Love Beats Hate could really stand to give the whole food service industry a good eye opening...It's always best to show compassion, even if we can't understand what someone is going through :)
Janeen,
I am so glad you posted this. You know, the part that spoke to me the most was "bridging the Grand Canyon". If only non-allergy folks could come close to understanding what this truly means.
Thank you so much for your passionate story! (Hugs)
Little things really do mean a lot! I can relate to sometimes feeling like I blog more negatively than I'd like, but it's also nice to be able to talk about things with other people who understand.
I think of your posts as informative rather than negative. This was really heart-warming.
Gives us hope for the next generation that your "little man"'s classmates put their friend first!!!
Dealing with serious food allergies is a frightening experience; glad you have support in your son's school community!
Janeen,
Thank you for writing this post for Love Beats Hate. I am so sorry about the challenges you face regarding keeping your son safe. I can relate to this post on many levels.
I don't know if you use Facebook but there is a woman that I am Facebook friends with, Dr. Doris Rapp. I first saw her on the Phil Donohue show many years ago. (I think I'm showing my age here). :) Here is the statement from Dr. Rapp's sidebar on Facebook:
"I am a pediatrician and environmental allergist. My goal is to continue to help people who have chemical sensitivities and food allergies, children with ADD and ADHD, and those who suffer from other ailments and need help to feel better".
There are many people on Facebook called "Doris Rapp". This one is wearing a light blue blazer in her picture. If you are interested in sending her a friend request but can't find her, she is on my friends list. So, feel free to send me a friend request (just click the Facebook icon on my blog's right sidebar to find me) and I'll be happy to help you find her, if you wish.
I don't normally make it a habit of posting links in blog comments and certainly do not wish to appear spammy but I will include Dr. Rapp's website here just in case it might help you find anything helpful for your son's situation:
Dr. Doris Rapp
Dealing with food allergies is difficult enough for an adult. Being a parent of a child with food allergies (or being a child with food allergies) can be incredibly challenging. I hope that the "Grand Canyon" efforts you mentioned in your post ease the journey a bit.
Best wishes to you! :)
Jeanne
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