The last few weeks have tested my trust as a food allergy Mommy. I usually keep a pretty tight reign on my son, but he's five now and starting to venture out into the world without me a little bit (and trust me... it's baby steps for both of us).

Last weekend a mom of one of preschool friends called to ask if the Little Man could come over for a play date. The boys had not been very close until the last month of school so she and I had never really talked or engaged much. She seemed quiet, I'm quiet so I think we both retreated to our "shy corners" and just stayed there for the two years the boys were in preschool together. But over the last month of school, the boys got to know each other and became friendly. They will also go to Kindergarten together in the fall so it is nice that they have become friends. I know I had mentioned to this Mom about the Little Man's food allergies, but it was sort of in passing. I never mentioned the entire scope of what is involved. So when she called, I was really hesitant to let him go. My side of the conversation went something like:
"Little Man has multiple food allergies. He's allergic to wheat, rye, barley, oat, egg, peanut and tree nut. I will send snacks with him and he can only eat the snacks that I send. I will also send the EPI Pen and when my husband drops him off (I had the stomach flu) he will show you how to use it. If you do not feel comfortable with that we totally understand and would love to have ______________ over at our house instead. We have never let him have a play date with anyone other than our neighbor or grandparents that are used to the EPI Pen so this is new for us too. Believe me, we totally understand if this is something you don't feel comfortable with". I sort of blurted all that out in one nervous run on sentence and sort of hoped that she would say that she didn't feel comfortable and that her son could play at our house instead. But she said that she would be OK with it. So then I had to give my son the talk. "DO NOT EAT ANYTHING UNLESS MOMMY PACKED IT FOR YOU. Do not play with play dough and do not play with paste. If you do not feel well at any point let Mrs. _________ know and she will help you. And remember, DO NOT EAT ANYTHING UNLESS MOMMY PACKED IT FOR YOU. Now what did I just say to you"? And he repeated it back to me just fine and we practiced it over the next few days. When my husband dropped him off, he was nervous too. It was a weekend so the boys Father was home too. My husband explained everything to them, gave them a training on the EPI Pen and what to do in case of a reaction, gave them the safe food and left our son there. It was the longest 2.5 hours of my life. But everything was fine. The boys ate the pretzels I sent, drank the juice boxes I sent, road bikes and played Lego's.

I knew this situation was coming. He's starting Kindergarten in the fall and I know he'll make new friends and want to go to their houses. I just thought I had a few more months before I'd have to deal with this. I guess this was a nice practice run for what is to come. And I'm sure we will run into people who will say that they are not comfortable dealing with the Epi Pen and food allergies. And even though I'm sure my son will be hurt, I'd rather they be honest about it then put him in a situation that isn't safe.

Then my second "trust" situation was Monday at scout camp. I worked with Older Boys den and the Little Man went into the "Tot Lot". Tot Lot is where all the siblings go who are potty trained but too young to be scouts. So even though I was there, I wasn't really there. I packed up all of his safe snacks and two separate packages of Epi Pen's and Benadryl that contained emergency action plans. I filled out his medical sheet and said a prayer that all would be well. When we arrived at camp on Monday I dropped him off at Tot Lot and explained that he had food allergies and could only eat his safe snacks (they had Cheez-its and pretzels for all the other kids). I gave the leader one of the Epi Pen packs and my cell phone number and said if you need anything or if you have any questions call me. Then I took the other Epi Pen pack over the the nurse that they have on site. She wasn't there yet, so I had to leave it at the nurses station but I was already aware that she was more than aware of food allergies and knew what to do. I went back to check on the Little Man and he had already made friends and was having a ball so I gave him my "DON'T EAT ANYTHING UNLESS MOMMY PACKED IT" speech and went to work with Older Boy. I tried to keep an eye on the Little Man throughout the day and every time I looked at him, he was smiling and having fun. I went to get him at lunch time but he wanted to eat with one of his new friends instead of me so I then had to let her Mom know about the food allergies and that he could only eat what he brought (She let me know that her daughter had PBJ for lunch. He's not inhalant allergic so I said just don't let her touch him without washing hands). The day was stressful because I was trying make sure that we didn't lose any of the 10 boys in our den while trying to keep an eye on the Little Man from a distance. But we made it through with no problems. When I went to pick the Little Man up another women was helping out in Tot Lot that hadn't been there when I dropped him off. She explained that she got there late and didn't know about the allergies. She tried to give my son Cheez-Its and he said "No, I can't have those. I have food allergies and can only eat from this bag". Then she said he rattled off all of his allergies. On one hand I was angry that the allergies weren't communicated to everyone working there (but it was volunteer by mom's, so it's not like they are experts on how to handle this stuff) but on the other hand I was happy that he is learning how to advocate for himself. At least all of my preaching and harping is sinking in.

So I think that's enough trusting and letting go for a while. I can't take the stress level. A little bit at a time is good. And for now, I'm good.

Labels: Food Allergies, letting go, stress, trust